Untitled.

Its weird, how you can sometimes feel so alone when totally surrounded with friends.
Or unloved, when you know you've already found the one.
I cant help feeling the way i do sometimes. Its not my fault.

Gone.

Time goes by faster and faster everyday. I miss my babygurrl Rogue. Shes probably gone.. But i have to remember, All Dogs go to Heaven. I have to go watch that movie now... Poor gurl. I miss her.
I wish shed come lay in bed with me<3
Its hard to not think about what might have happened to her..

Rogue.

I miss my dog.

She kept me feeling safe, even if she couldnt do anything about Danger. She was my best friend, that never needed spoken words for me to spill my heart out to her. All i can do is pray, she's okay...

If i could

Write you a letter,
I would tell you, you changed my life.
I miss You.

art

http://hollandtafarian.daportfolio.com

that is all

Summer

This summer has been great, and there is only about a week left untill school starts.
Don't get me wrong, i'm happy to see people and everything, but i really really don't want school to start. There is plenty of people that i don't want to see. Plenty.
I'm going to miss my job too... which ends in a week.
It feels like I only got one real week of summer.
I went to California with my family and Willis (my boyfriend). Spending time with Willis was fun, and now, all of my family knows him. =) They all like him too. I love that boy.
It was so much fun. I haven't been there in 6 years. And when someone did go down there, it was for a funeral. (There have been at least 4)
I also went to Greenlawn while i was there, which is where everyone is buried. It made me really sad... my aunts don't even have gravestones.
It was soooo sunny. I miss the sun. I miss it so much.
Along with my family, some of my cousins don't even remember me anymore.
It's been too long. I don't plan on letting it get like that again.
Volleyball starts soon! so excited. Except jasmine isn't playing. I don't really have friends on the team at all, so it might be boring. But i love volleyball, and its my senior year. Which is weird. It feels like i started highschool yesterday.
Before i know it highschool will be over. Then college will be over. Etc. Etc.

inspiration.

I get pings of inspiration, but i never know what to do with it. I see things in my head that i want to create, but i never can. I see art in the sky, and everything in the world. I hear songs that I wish i could paint a picture to describe them as. Some songs describe exactly how i feel. Poems always come into my head....(the one i have on here....) When it comes to it. When the peice of paper is right in front of me, my mind goes blank.(some very short posts..) I could write down one line, and never get back to it. I used to write so freely, until some people ruined it. By reading it all and rubbing it into my face.
I hated that. ("I've had enough, this is my prayer.") They said that wasnt really how i felt. They said if i really felt like that then i should tell them. When i did i was called a liar. ("I just wanna be myself and I want you to love me for who I am") It was used against me.
I cant even express myself right. I worry about how it might be used against me.
I see people do the things that I want to do, perfectly, without even trying, and they take it all for granted.
Sometimes i guess i just get angry with myself, over things that will never matter...
I just realized, i titled this Inspiration.
None of this is inspiring.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

so very challenged

when it comes to sewing with machines....

i usually hand sew. but its coming along nicely. just slowly.

White Rose

You'll never get your white rose, no one else will miss you. They never knew you exsisted.

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If i could write you a letter.

we all miss you. nothing has been the same since you left us. the family fell apart, you were our glue. i'll always love you, even if you might not be my biological grandfather. you're the only grandfather i ever knew. you influenced everyone your life touched. i know you wouldnt want us to be sad forever over you, so im happy you were in my life. you were taken away from us so fast, it took me awhile to stop greiving. i'll always cherish the last words you said to me.
im glad your no longer in pain...
and im sorry i couldnt be there.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Some of the things I ♥

I do love Art.

The one at the top is a random Surrealist digital peice. I love it. My goal in life is to be able to do stuff like this.... we'll see if it ever happens.

This is the Passage by Kay Sage. I love it.

These 2 Umbrella Academy pictures are by Gerard Way, who is my favorite male singer, from My Chemical Romance... I have yet to own an Umbrella Academy Magazine, but i will. :♥

Thee last ones are by Alex Pardee. My favorite Freelance artist ever. He's great and does art for the same reasons i do. :) I did an art project thingy on him. The Bunnywith cover is awesome.

Georgia O'Kieffe

This is the first time i've ever tried this. Ever. I sharpied a famous paiting onto a white t shirt. It came out, pretty damned awesome looking. I stayed up until 2am making it and wore it to school the next day. I'm thinking about selling some, maybe. Not sure though..

My messy room in the background.

And of course I made it a V-Neck. The only downfall of this was smelling like sharpie all day.

It was way worth it. But no one believed that i had drawn that, without messing up.

But now i'm afraid to wash it. I also did this awhile ago.... school is out now. I was just too busy to get on here and do all this.... effort. stuff. ugg.

♥

love.

Love, is thrown around so much. Its sad. True love isn't greedy, it isn't selfish. You do not say you love someone just to hear it back.... You will never forget true love.

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screaming

There are always so many things that i want to say, but i know i never will. To me, it feels like screaming in my mind. What is the worst, is when you don't know what your mind is screaming about.
I keep on getting all of these songs stuck in my head, that would actually (very accuratly) describe how i feel at the moment. Such as; Broken by Seether and Amy Lee, This Close by Flyleaf, Cubicles by My Chemical Romance, and probably more.
This probably isn't healthy, but i'm actually typing this at about 11pm. I will read it over before work in the morning, and probably will not publish it. I'm bad at this whole, blogging, thing. No one ever reads it, and i'm not interesting.
And actually... i ended up waiting another night to post this....Which is tonight.

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Art

My New Art Project. I'm using this water color stuff that people use for air-brushing. I'm also using calligrophy pens and small paint brushes to do this. I'm thinking about using my favorite quote, by Kay Sage on it. "I have built an Ivory Tower of Despair...I scream, I scream... In my Ivory Tower."

My Shoes.

I have had these shoes since the 8th grade. I will never, (never) get rid of them. Yes, they still fit. (size 5 men's) i actually have to tie the laces in two seperate spots on one of the shoes. I draw on them when i'm bored, and that is as clean as they get. I generally do not own a whole lot of shoes. These are all i need. Let's be real. They go with everything.

Poison.

Mindless thoughts of nothing
Screaming in my head.
Ghosts of what I was
ripping through me
making my body shudder.
My heart of ice is melting
in my overheated body.
Dead fingers proding at my back
make it impossible to sleep.
I make it through the day
floating on
My broken angel wings.
What does being happy feel like?
I don't remember.
What is it like
to feel no more?
I want to know.
Vision blurred and
fingers numb.
My head aches from trying to think
of what my pathetic life
Will be
without my wonderful poison.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

frosting, maths, and everything in between.

Is it bad that I use "crazy" to describe most things? I really wish I was better with words, and sometimes i wish i had a cool accent or something. I listened to this blog that really made me think. This girl, Hannah, was ranting about maths or math, and frosting and icing. It made me feel dumb for saying Math Class, but i know i'd feel lame if I called it Maths class. Another thing.... Does frosting fall in the category of icing? Or does icing fall into the category of frosting?
But you know what? I don't care. I say math, I don't have an accent. I say things the way that I feel is right. I dress how I want. I do the weird/creepy Art that I like. I don't do my hair in the morning; I DO NOT wear all of the popular brands. I don't care if you don't like it.
I will always be who I want to be.
I listen to Frank Sinatra, My Chemical Romance, Flyleaf, and a lot of other bands that don't fit into the same category. A lot of what i do, makes no sense.
Chances are, you'll never understand me.

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It's Not Even Monday.

Lately.

Lately, I've been wondering, who can i count on. Really. I don't have any freind freinds. No "best" friends. Nothing. Nada. It sucks. When we have asisignments we can do in groups, everyone pairs off, and i'm there alone. I guess it's good to be independant because sometimes i really can't stand being around anyone.

music ♥

I love this album, and all it stands for.
I love the art.
My favorite song has to be S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W/